Love Is Our Resistance ♥

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Yeah sis, thx for everything!
I LOVEE YOU! Really appreciate wht you have written..

p/s : I didnt call my sis to write anything until today only i knows..

I really dont want the whole world to know tht we are fighting..
Now you are really making the whole world knows tht we are fighting..
Can we just close this fight in a PEACE?
The longer this fight is going on.. the deeper my heart will hurts..
Its like cant cure at all..do u guys know tht?

I cant stand it anymore..
I really dont want the fight to continue..
You guys are not my enemies..I dont want to get enemies..
Im not blaming you guys for it..
Yeah..I agree..all of us got our own flaws..
I still remember wht exactly happened..

On Wed..after been to Poh Wei's house in the morning to do Sivik project..
Later on in school..we discussed abt it..abt when should we continue to finish the project up..
So yeah..we discussed
On tht Thursday night we're all free to go someone's house to do the project..
Then you all make it on Friday which I really cant make it..
I got librarians' duty to go on..
I got librarians' meeting to go on..
I've tried my best..tried my best to explain to you guys..
Like dunno how many times?
"I really cant make it on Friday..
I got meeting to go on..I got duty to go on
Can we just make it on Thursday night?"
Whatever you guys said I dont mind..
You guys scold me "You everything also LIBRARIANS want lah.."
I dont mind..Im the head of the librarians in the afternoon session now..
Obviously I everything also librarians..
Until you told me those 3 things..
a)You pay me I'll help you to do your work
b)You skip your librarians' duty and meeting (obviously I cant!If not I'll skip!)
c) You are out! ( Dunno who suggested it)
Tried my best to explain again..you guys still the same..
repeating those three..
What can I do you tell me?
I also said "or I do some of it at home?"..You guys still dont want..
What can I do?Tell me?!
It really making me pissed off..
Im trying my best to ignore you guys..
To cool this thing down..
And it really hurts my heart a lot..
That time I was like really wishing and waiting for you guys saying SORRY!
Not even single word tht you guys spoke out..
Then recess..
Poh Wei and Yin Ling asked me..
"So how?Wht are you planning to do?"
I was like totally speechless..FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS..
SO yeah i said.."Im out..I'll do it all by myself"
Not even a single word of cheering me up tht time..instead you guys asked me "really ar?"
Then I say.."Yeah.."
I asked you guys..
"I thought you all dont like Beatrice want?"
Then you guys said.."What can we do?"
*speechless*
I left and do PA as usual..
After recess..
Went back to class and my place where I am supposed to sit..
Just wishing them to say SORRY..
But they didnt..
Not even a word tht we speak..
Went back home..on9..edited my featured friends in my friendster and I didnt link Beatrice..
Went to school the next day..wishing them to say sorry again..not even a single word they spoke..they didnt talk to me instead..
I was like just leave it..dont mind..
Recess time..
Poh Wei and Yin Ling came and asked me..
"Beatrice said You deleted her in your link"
I say.."Yeah..since I got no connections with her now.."
Then I say like in a kind of joking way..
"Fine lor now..dont want to talk to me in class.."
Then they said..
"If we all talked to you..Beatrice will scold us..scold us hiprocrites!"
I was like what the hell?
I also leave it like tht..I dont mind..Cause I thought tht Poh Wei and Yin Ling will be at my side..
On Saturday schooling..
Beatrice didnt come..
Poh Wei and Yin Ling complained and complained to me everything about Beatrice..
I even asked them "Since you all also dont like her..why must you guys still so close to her?"
Then they said.."Wht can we do?She sit at the back of us..She got no friends..We got no friends.."
Then I said.."You all still got me rite?"
As usual..they said.."Later Beatrice scold us if we talk to you..at least you got a lot of friends.."
I was totally speechless tht time..How hurt issit to me? 2 of my best friends said tht to me..
I thought tht they were my bestest friends after all..
Until Beatrice came and 'cari pasal' with me in my cbox..
Truth is just all here..
She said tht Yin Ling and Poh Wei dislike me of my way of work..
They want me to be out of this group..
I was like couldnt believe it..
The more I type..the more tears I dripped down from my eyes..
The more I read..the more I want to cry..
The more I think of it..the more I tell this to other of my close friends..the more like I feel like crying..
I act as happy as usual..no matter where am I..
I act tht Im cheerful..no matter where..
I dont want anyone to know tht something wrong with me..
I even asked Poh Wei and Yin Ling..
"Do you think tht Im wrong?"
They were like took quite long to reply..
they said.."err...i dont know.."
How hurt issit?
Poh Wei even asked me this question..
"Why dont you be friends back with Beatrice again?But not tht close?"
Lagi hurt when I hear this question..
Then I say .."I really cant get along with her.."
Nothing they say.. how broken hearted am I?
Not even cheering me up..Not even concerning abt me..
Last time they used to tell me everything..especially Yin Ling..
Whatever single thing..she would tell me..
If is also due to Beatrice and Poh Wei she also will tell me..
Now?Since last month they didnt tell me anything..
Something I saw in tuition at the last page of her exercise book..
she straight take it away from me..
Now..I cant read Poh Wei's blog anymore..
I was trying my best to keep our friendships longer..
What I asked..they replied..
Is like..nothing more tht we can chat?
If they really want me out of tht group..
Just straightly tell me..
Althought its hurting..
But do you guys know tht its more hurting when you guys do all these?

I thought you guys will cheer me up,always at my side and concern abt me..
I really cant believe tht you guys will do tht..
I've tried my best to balance up my librarians' stuffs and school stuffs..
I keep on asking myself..am I wrong?
Wrong for me to mad at you?Wrong for me to ignore you?
Wht wrong did I do?
Im a human and have my own feelings too..you know?
What I've done..I have my own valid reasons..

If I cry..issit worth it?
Cause you guys really dunno how hurt am I..
Until now..I shift my place to in front..Im sitting next to Jesslyn now..cause Jesslyn and other of my friends called me to..
You guys didnt asked me anything..
Instead having fun behind..
Now the whole class know tht we are fighting..
Jesslyn even told me tht you guys took my fries under my desk when Im out of the class..locking up the library..
I really dont believe tht do you know tht?
The whole situation she told me..
Until yesterday..I saw Jeshua..as usual we say "hi"
He told me tht "I kesian you lar"..
I just smiled and walked off..
I was like..must be tuff must be tuff..

How much tears did I drop from my eyes?
How much you guys hurt me?
Its uncountable..
I really need a long time to cure..
I really cant believe you guys will do such things towards me..
Please stop this fight..

I know no one is perfect in this world..neither did I too..
Try my best in everything!
I even cherish my friendships too..

Now I really realised tht who are my important ones..
Who always stand by at my side..concerning and cheering me up..
And of course..help me out a lot, make me laugh and make my days as bright as possible! :)
Once again..I LOVEE YOU GUYS! Really! I mean it a lot!! :P

♥our lips must always be sealed

8:48 PM